I CAN MOONWALK!
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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