You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
