she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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