In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
When did angry sex become our thing?
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
