I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
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