Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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