Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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