Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
