are you still at the devil's house?
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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