This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
