She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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