the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
