I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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