he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
