May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
