I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
whose parrot is this?
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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