i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
