he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
