If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
