What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
