There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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