Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
you traded sex for a burrito?
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
