im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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