If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Randomize
