I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
No I am not eating basil off your cock
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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