Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
