Need sex. Gaining weight.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Less talking, more tequila
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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