I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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