Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
