I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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