so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
