belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
