Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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