do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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