She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize