also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Randomize
