I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
