do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
BRING THE BAGELS
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
