and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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