So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
