She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
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