So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
