Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
