Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
