Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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