we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize
