What a fucking waste of an outfit
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Randomize
