I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
