Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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