I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize