summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
