im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
