Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
