Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
The struggles of a small town man whore
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Randomize