I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
