just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
please don't ironically join a cult
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