Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
