it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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