I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
