Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
