well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize