She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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