Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
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