His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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