is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
These tits shall not be calmed
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize