I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
someone owes me an orgasm
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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