She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
