I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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