just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
