My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
