All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
