I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize