The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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