I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
