some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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