I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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