i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
