just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
