Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
