The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize