Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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