we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Randomize
