My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
