oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
