Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
