Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
