May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
It was confusing and full of hummus
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
