It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
