I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
