I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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