Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
