We're like a lot better than the average bears
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
