Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
