spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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