we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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