apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Randomize
