Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
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