I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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