This dress was meant to end up on your floor
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
