There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
