all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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