I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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