I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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