Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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