his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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