I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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