TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
