before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
we made out on top of his cat.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
