Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Randomize
