In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
