So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Someone stole a lamp last night.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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