Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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