Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
