i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
