my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
