We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
