I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Randomize
