I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
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