You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
i permit you to call me
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
