You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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