Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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