all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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