On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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