I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
